What's in a name?

I receive a call on my mobile, “May I speak to Mr. Jagdish Kumar Mathur?” I was about to say “Wrong number.” but remembered instantly – it is my name, my full name which is not used much except while opening bank accounts or applying for various instruments of governmental or organizational recognitions like appointment letters or renewal of passports, driving license etc. or buying shares and bonds, filing affidavits, and acquiring registered deeds. My close friends and relatives call me JK, which is fine with me. This form of indulgence gives me a feeling of warmth. My mother used to call me Jagdish, some times Jaggu when she felt a little more affectionate towards me; my father always said Jagdish in his characteristic stentorian voice In short, no body calls me Mr. Jagdish Kumar Mathur, except in jest or in a manner of sarcasm in the course of an argument, which is also fine with me. My bosses and superiors, as also my colleagues, use my surname ‘Mathur’ to invite my attention, prefixing ‘Mr.’ whenever they feel a little kind and generous.

It is not the practice in civil society to address anyone by one’s full nomenclature stretched to the first, middle and the last names, except by the Johnnies with headphones at the call centers equipped with complete lists of names and telephone numbers. These blokes are quite confused when it comes to ‘name-calling’. They are in a country where the inhabitants boast of a bewildering variety of names. Some names contain not only the first name and the caste but also the name of the father and village of origin.



[Caption: Alexander Graham Bell inaugurates AT&T's telephone service between New York and Chicago in October 1892 and unleashes call center monsters upon the unsuspecting world.]


Things are not much different with the letters received in junk mail. Such mail is generated in very large volumes on the computers by a technique known as ‘mail merging’. A complete list of full names and addresses is prepared and kept in the memory running into gigabytes from where the name of the targeted individual is put on the letter while his name and address is incorporated on the envelope. Whenever I receive a neatly word-processed letter addressing me with my full name, I hasten to consign it to the trashcan. What gets my goat is the callous and casual approach adopted in such letters that crowd the mailbox these days. Nobody thought of training these fly-by-night correspondents, who are more often than not out-sourced, to adhere to the basics of letter writing or the forms of addressing various personages.

There is a noteworthy new trend that encourages minor changes in the spelling of your name, as suggested by Numerology, to bring good luck. You may call it the Ektaa Kapoor syndrome. This name-game has caught the imagination of those who are upwardly mobile and want to succeed in the rat race of out-smarting each other. They consult the soothsayers and crystal- gazers, mind readers and palm-perusers who claim to dabble in predictions and various tricks to bolster the fortunes of the ‘believers’. Most of them are in the ‘I told you so’ category. This latest craze was started by the so-called ‘queen of family soaps.’ Her Saas-Bahu serials, starting with the K-word and atrocious spellings where a particular alphabet recurs in a very irrational way, have achieved unprecedented TRP ratings. Nothing succeeds like success; nobody seems to mind, rather every one wishes to ride on the bandwagon.

The name-jugglers say that a name emits certain vibrations that can be changed by altering its spelling. They proclaim that your birth date vibrations should match with the vibrations of your name in order to produce harmony so necessary for smooth sailing in life. Each alphabet has in it a particular numerical value and the aggregate value of these numbers should tally with the total value of the birth date numbers.

Newspapers and magazines have reported that prominent persons who wanted to excel a little bit more preferred preposterous changes in the spellings of their names in consonance with what is perpetrated by their Numerological advisers. They belong to the elite groups in the cross-sections of our society. Even ebullient editors, flamboyant filmmakers, aspiring film stars, and already successful writers, who are apparently not satisfied with their present achievements, have succumbed to the temptations of this seemingly quick-fix solution.

Once, I too fell into the trap of this short cut to success and made some quick calculations with the help of books on Numerology. Accordingly, I changed the spelling of my name from Jagdish to Jugdish. However, the results were not palatable. First of all, my family members and friends started calling me in derision as Jugdish with added emphasis on the syllable ‘Ju’. When I went to get my new visiting cards printed, the printer pointed out the ‘mistake’ and had to be convinced that every thing was fine with the new-fangled spelling. My bank manager grew suspicious of my intentions when he got my new card and carefully noted ‘caution’ on my account. My friends wanted clarification on my latest ‘goof-up’ and had to be explained the logic behind the change; they however nodded their head and thought I needed help of a different kind. What is worse, the tide in my affairs which was expected to be ‘taken at the flood leading me to fortune’ never materialized. I have, therefore, reverted to the original spelling of my name, which I now realize has served me very well all these years.

While I am concluding this piece, I get another call on my mobile. A female voice enquires, “May I speak to Mr. Jagdish Kumar Mathur…” Soon after, there is a knock on my door. A letter couriered to me reads “Dear Mr. Jagdish Kumar Mathur…”

Book Review: The Ice Candyman by Bapsi Sidhwa

Bapsi Sidhwa's Ice Candyman figures among the top Indian novels, mostly popularised by Deepa Mehta's eminently watchable film' Earth' based on the novel. Ice Candyman reminds the reader of the Diary of Anne Frank – a very touching tale told by the protagonist of the harrowing time and the horrors faced by the Jews in Germany. While the Diary of Anne Frank is a very serious narration of her traumatic experiences, Ice Candyman has its moments of mirth and lighter vein.

Ice Candyman has been written in present tense as seen through the eyes of an 8-year-old girl who grows into a precocious child as she is the star witness to the indulgence of adults and elders. She is given all the freedom in the world to roam about with her Ayah and her paramours. The Ayah interacts without inhibitions with her companions like Ice candyman, masseur, knife sharpener, butcher etc. She has to contend with the antics of her admirers without much ado; perhaps she secretly enjoys the same, sometimes with a sense of shame. She is infatuated with the masseur while the Ice candyman is isolated as jilted lover filled with diabolic vengeance which is expressed in the later part of the story.
The book candidly describes various aspects of lower strata of society in pre-partition Punjab, particularly, Lahore, the constituent members being the Ice Candyman himself, masseur, sweeper, butcher, knife-sharpener, gardener, cook and other riff-raffs. The means of pastime for these people were ogling at Ayah and touching her in various ways, snatching the Dhoti of gardener Hari, prattling politics, pelting the politicians with venomous verbiage etc. Her friends circle represents different communities viz. Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims, Pathans and Parsi. They had bonhomie among themselves till the partition broke out.

Bapsi Sidhwa is a very skillful narrater. The description of events in the novel is down to earth. Scarcely anything is camouflaged as far as the thinking and experience of an 8-year-old girl is concerned who watches the goings on in the bedroom, lounge, park, road or her hiding place etc. Child psychology and child behaviour has been very competently interwoven by the writer in her story telling. She is able to bring out the frivolous side of Parsi community together with the dark deeds of the characters so ably developed in the novel. Her sketching of street fighting, mob fury and the holocaust of partition is indeed superb. She skillfully depicts the scene and activities in Hiramandi, the wellknown dwelling of prostitutes in Lahore. The description is very graphic as she draws up the bazar scene: "The covetous glances Ayah draws educate me. Up and down, they look at her. Stub- handed twisted beggars and dusty old beggars on crutches drop their poses and stare at her with hard, alert eyes. Holy men, masked in piety, shove aside their pretences to ogle her with lust. Hawkers, cart-drivers, cooks, coolies and cyclists turn their heads as she passes, pushing my pram, with the unconcern of the Hindu goddess she worships".
Sidhwa is a great architect of phrases; she is not hampered by the paucity of expressions as may be evident from her sketching of the protagonist's mother when she tries to massage her polio-affected foot: "Ever since Col. Bharucha tugged at my tendon and pressed my heel down in the Fire Temple, Mother massages my leg. I lie diagonally on the bed, my small raised foot between her breasts. She leans forward and pushes back the ball on my foot. She applies all her fragile strength to stretch the stubborn tendon. Her flesh, like satin, shifts under my foot. I gaze at her. Shaded by the scarf her features acquire sharper definition. The tipped chin curves deep to meet the lower lip. The lips, full, firm, taper from a lavish "M' in wide wings, their outline etched with the clarity of cut rubies. Her nose is slender, slightly bumped: and the taut curve of her cheekbones is framed by a jaw as delicately oval as an egg. The hint of coldness, common to such chiselled beauty, is overwhelmed by the exuberant quality of her innocence. I feel she is beautiful beyond bearing Her firm strokes, her healing touch. The motherliness of Mother. It reaches from her bending body and cocoons me. My thighs twitch, relaxed Her motherliness. How can I describe it? While it is there it is all-encompassing, voluptuous. Hurt, heartache and fear vanish. I swim, rise, tumble, float, and bloat with bliss. The world is wonderful, wondrous and I a perfect fit in it. But it switches off, this motherliness. I open my heart to it. I welcome it. Again. And again. I begin to understand its on-off pattern. It is treacherous.”

She has very deftly painted the destruction wrought by the riots. She writes:
"Every bit of scrap that can be used has been salvaged from the gutted shops and .tenements of Shalmi and Gowalmandi. The palatial bungalows of Hindus in Model Town
and the other affluent neighbourhoods have been thoroughly scavenged. The first wave of looters, in mobs and processions has carried away furniture, carpets, utensils, mattresses, clothes. Succeeding waves of marauders, riding in rickety carts, have systematically stripped the houses of doors, windows, bathroom fittings, ceiling fans and rafters. Casual passers-by, urchins and dogs now stray into the houses to scavenge amidst spiders' webs ~: and deep layers of dust, hoping to pick up old newspapers and cardboard boxes, or any other leavings that have escaped the eye and desire of the preceding wave of goondas…
In Rosy-Peter's compound, and In the gaunt looted houses opposite ours, untended gardenia hedges sprawl grotesquely and the lawns and flower beds are overrun with weeds. There are patches of parched cracked clay in which nothing grows. Even the mango and banyan trees look monstrous, stalking the unkempt premises with their shadows A window boarded with newspaper, a tattered curtain, a shadow of someone passing and the murmur of strangers' voices keep us away It is astonishing how rapidly an uninhabited house decays. There are cracks in the cement floor of the Singhs' annexe and big patches of damp on the walls. Clouds of mosquitoes rise in dark corners and lizards cleave to the ceilings. It looks like a house pining for its departed -haunted -like Ayah's eyes are by memories of Masseur. She secretly cries. Often I catch her wiping tears."

While Bapsi Sidhwa, being herself witness to the horrific scenes in Lahore, as a child, has been able to prepare a genuine and sanguine canvas, her portrayal of Ice Candyman is :1 simply superb. He is a colourful character with a lot of versatility; he can act as a birdman and a god man and eventually as a goonda and a poetic pimp. As his endeavours to win over Ayah, the supreme seductress of the plot, meet with failure, he becomes an intensely jealous rival of the masseur and forever keeps a vigil over the goings on between the Ayah and the masseur. He eventually stoops to his lowest in arranging for the kidnapping of his beloved by the muslim mob. With the increasing tension in various communities, particularly enhanced with the arrival of train from India containing corpses, the Ice Candyman becomes bitter and a diabolic change is perceptible in his deportment. His infatuation with Ayah is maddening, rather insane, as he has no scruples in submitting her to th.e lumpens but wants to preserve her in the Kotha in all the paraphernalia of a prostitute. When the Ayah is rescued from the Kotha, the Ice Candyman is miserable and goes off his rockers. He pursues Ayah towards the Indian side of the border.

In her scheme of things, Sidhwa has given the pride of place to Rodabai, nicknamed as godmother, an ardent well-wisher of the protagonist "She sits by my side stroking me, smiling, her eyes twinkling concern, in her grey going-out sari; its pretty border of butterflies pinned to iron strands of scant, combed-back hair. The intensity of her attention is narcotic. I require no one else". From Chapter 17, godmother and his family plays a pivoted role not only in rescuing Ayah but also sustaining the interest of the reader in the entire story. In the film, godmother and her clan is conspicuously absent, perhaps because the producer Deepa Sahi decided to keep the theme riveted to the holocaust. In fact, the aftermath of the lifting away of Ayah is not shown in the film. The alacrity and intensity of purpose displayed by godmother in relieving Ayah from the cluthces of the Kotha syndrome is indeed marvellously spelt out: 'Affected at last by Godmother's stony silence, Ice-candyman lowers his eyes. His voice divested of oratory, he says, 'I am her slave, Baijee. I worship her. She can come to no harm with me.' 'No harm?' Godmother asks in a deceptively cool voice - and arching her back like a scorpion its tail, she closes in for the kill. 'You permit her to be raped by butchers, drunks, and goondas and she has come to no harm?'

Ice-candyman's head jolts back as if it's been struck. 'Is that why you had her lifted off -let hundreds of eyes probe her -so that you could marry her? You would have your own mother carried off if it suited you! You are a shameless badmash! Nimakharam! Faithless!'

'Yes, I'm faithless!' Stung intolerably, and taken by surprise, Ice-candy-man permits his insolence to confront Godmother. 'I'm a man! Only dogs are faithfull! If you want faith, let her marry a dog!' 'Oh? 'What kind of man? A royal pimp? What kind of man would allow his wife to dance like a performing monkey before other men? You're not a man, you're a low- born, two-bit evil little mouse!'... 'You have permitted your wife to be disgraced! Destroyed her modesty! Lived off her womanhood!' says Godmother as if driven to recount the charges before an invisible judge. 'And you talk of princes and poets? You're the son of pigs and pimps! You're not worth the two-cowries one throws at lepers!'

Humorous situations created by Sidhwa appear to be pedestrian and hardly. rib-tickling although hilarious in the stated circumstances. The humour is, in fact, more frivolous than anything else as it is attributed to menial workers. Even the humour of Parsi society gentlemen leaves much to be desired -the real wit, satire and humour is somehow missing perhaps because the characters in the story are incapable of generating the same, although one of the book reviewer declared the humour of the novel refreshing: the jokes in the dinner party at his house, the satire or sarcasm in the Parsi gathering are stale: "Who does this Gandhi think he is?" Shouts an obliging wisecrack promptly from somewhere in the middle. "Is it his grandfather's ocean?" … I’ll tell you a story,' the colonel says, and susceptible to stories the congregation and I sit still in our seats. 'When we were kicked out of Persia by the Arabs thirteen hundred years ago, what did we do? Did we shout and argue? No!' roars the colonel, and hastily provides his own answer before anyone can interrupt. 'We got into boats and sailed to India!' 'Why to India?' a totally new wit sitting at the end of my bench enquiries. 'If they had to go some place why not Greece? Why not to France? Prettier scenery...' 'They didn't kick us hard enough,' says Dr. Mody, with hearty regret. 'If only they'd kicked us all the way to California... Prettier women!'

The high profile Gandhinagar Book Club recently reviewed in detail the Ice Candyman. One of the senior members Vinay Sharma, who lived in Lahore during his childhood and narrated his experience of the partition. He said that the book scarcely spells out the glory that was Lahore; it was a vibrant society where all communities lived peacefully. There was no question of neighbours attacking and looting neighbour contrary to what. has been indicated by Sidhwa in her story. Moreover, the kind of dining room brawl between the Sikh gentleman and the British IG of Police as described in the book was inconceivable in the higher echelons of society in Lahore.

Bapsi Sidhwa projects her view point through the mind of the child Lenny and succeeds in belittling Indian leaders like Gandhi and Nehru. To her credit, it may be said that even Jinnah was hardly spared. About Gandhi, she writes: "He is knitting. Sitting crosslegged on the marble floor of a palatial veranda, he is surrounded by women. He is small, dark, shrivelled, old. He looks just like Hari, our gardener, except he has a disgruntled, disgusted and irritable look, and no one'd dare pull off his dhoti! He wears only the loin-cloth and his black and thin torso is naked Considering he has not looked my way even once I am enraged by his observation. 'An enema a day keeps the doctor aways,' he crows feebly, chortling in an elderly and ghoulish way, his slight body twitching with glee, his eyes riveted upon my mother."

"Jinnah is incapable of compliments. Austere, driven, pukka-sahib accented, deathly ill: incapable of cheek-kissing. Instead of carnations he wears a karakuli cap, sombre with tight, grey lamb's-wool curls: and instead of pale jackets, black achkan coats. He is past the prime of his elegant manhood. Sallow, whip-thin, sharp-tongued, uncompromising. His training at the Old Bailey and uncompromising."

The crude Punjabi abuses and swearwords have been literally translated into English and mercifully, the amazingly expressive vocabulary of the English language has been skillfully used to express certain obscene events in a fashion acceptable to the discerning reader.
Certain phrases used in the book may provide good material to Sabira Merchant for her "What is the good word" programmes. Some examples:
Page # 2: Englishman quietly dissolves up the driveway from which he had so enthusiastically sprung.
Page # 4: Col. Bharucha is cloaked in thunder. Page # 7: Clucking clusters.
Page # 8: Officiating and anxious energy of Electric aunt. Page # 9: Soak in the commiserate clucking of tongues
Page # 27: Ice Candyman drapes his lank and flexible length on another bench. Page # 28: he represents a shady, almost disreputable type.
Page # 31: Astonishing tidal wave of relief and frivolity barrels over the world.
Page # 50: tossing a thin of disk of wheat on the fire until it is swollen with trapped air.

The writer has very interestingly translated some Hindi/Urdu idioms into English as they are used by various characters of the story. Some illustrations:

Page # 45: I'll chew you up and I won't every burp!
(Main kachcha chaba jaoonga aur dakaar bhi nahin loonga)
Page # 55: "Don't you think it's time their hands are painted yellow". (Ab inke haath peele kar dene chahiye)
Page # 76: They are from prosperous eating drinking households". (Wah Khate Peete gharon ke hain)
Page # 116: "Small mouth, big talk". (Chhota mooh badi baat:)
Page #158: "No one will touch a hair on your head". (Koi tumhara baa! bhi baanka nahin kar payega)

The novel is literally sprinkled with poetry pieces of Urdu poets but do not appear to be facilitating the flow of the story line.

An important point which may be noted is that the Pakistani writer has shown Hindus and Sikhs as the oppressors; while the converse is true in the case of stories written by Indian writers on partition, But the fact remains that Ice Candyman is an eminently engrossing and readable book.

What the Stars Foretell

In good humour, and with apologies to all, particularly astrologers!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 23 - Jan. 20)


A LUCKY period – but you will be under tension due to the Clean Cash Book falling in arrears. A stinker may be received from Regional Office for not sending the Weekly Abstract in time. Your transfer to the place of your choice is likely to be put off indefinitely. Twelfth will be a good day for meeting prospective depositors. Recovery drive initiated on the 27th will be fruitful. Owners of second-hand vehicles may have to shell out substantial amounts for unforeseen repairs. You may forget to send the Performance Report to Regional Office.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 20)


EXPENSES will mount as your better half will want to go on a buying spree. Children will insist on buying chocolates. You may have to take advance against term deposit. There may be complications on the home front if you refuse to buy cinema tickets in black. Clear the backlog of shuttle memos by 28th. You may have pretend scooter breakdown for explaining late arrival at Office. Flirtation with a female colleague may result in a long-lasting relationship. For luck, always keep a piece of coal in your hip pocket

PISCES (Feb. 21 - March 21)


IN the next few weeks, you may be under great pressure from the staff for granting overtime but take care not to give any false assurances. Follow the beaten path as any adventurous action may land you in the soup. Curb your tendency to make wrong additions and subtractions. Those working at the ledgers should be cautious in their dealings with customers. You may be able to lay your hands on a moth-eaten copy of circular issued in 1960 regarding compilation of opinion reports.

ARIES (March 22 - April 21)


WIND up all important tasks relating to house-keeping. There is a strong indication of the Deputy Branch Inspector visiting your Branch around 18th. You should be extra-careful in scrutinising proposals received through the D.I.C. One of your disgruntled borrowers may refuse to send his car. You may be nominated to a Committee constituted to study the impact of unremunerative current accounts on branch profitability. Local BDO may deliver a bunch of loan applications belonging to villages not adopted by you.

TAURUS (April 22 - May 21)


LAY extra emphasis on accounting efficiency in the next few weeks. Your Branch may be categorised as critical. Daily reports on balancing may have to be sent to controlling authorities. You may be held accountable for a DIR loan of Rs. 250 granted in 1973. The Managers of ADBs may receive boxes from the Stationery Department containing articles relating to Government transactions.

GEMINI (May 22 - June 21)


YOU will face opposition from your associates this week in regard to officiating powers. Take care you do not rub them up the wrong way. A trying period at work. You may be gheraoed by loan applicants for not extending credit facilities. Your pleas of credit squeeze will be ignored. Constituents may divert their deposits to other banks. The month may prove disastrous for customer service due to prolonged leave of staff members. There may be unusual rush at the drafts issue counter on Saturdays.

CANCER (June 22 - July 23)



DEPOSIT mobilisation drive may be launched in the first week. Some depositors will refuse to accept ball pens and key rings as gifts. Your T. A. Bill pending for the last two years will be passed for payment. Duplicate copy of a return running into 36 pages may have to be rushed to Regional Office by special messenger. Your lucky stone may be the first stone you pick up on your way to office on the 9th.

LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23)


TRANSFER orders to a difficult centre may be received. It may be advisable to go on long leave. A long distance journey is indicated probably for a training assignment. Seek the help of a colleague to balance the ledgers allotted to you. Settle all staff matters on the last Saturday of the month. There may be a windfall in the form of control return forms found in the discarded stationery boxes.

VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23)


GUARD against ill health due to unfiltered water. Curb your expenses or you may have to avail of a gold loan. There is risk of your wife demanding back her ornaments. Avoid arguments on the house front by toeing the line set by your wife and children. Regional Office may insist on immediate despatch of final remarks on the audit report. Drafts Payable Account could be balanced with one stroke.

LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23)


A COLLEAGUE will get a prize posting causing some jealousy. Try not to express your emotions in the interests of old friendship. An old customer complaint will be amicably settled. Some constituents may create complications by refusing to accept non-issuable notes. You may forget your umbrella in a taxi. A reminder may be received for sending control return for loans sanctioned in 1979.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22)


A GOOD month to transfer sticky accounts to Protested Bills. Your Regional Manager may visit the Branch in the last week. You may be taken to task for not maintaining the Customer Calls Register. Sizeable sums may have to be donated to the building fund of your children's school. The tap at your residence may go dry and water may have to fetched from the nearby pond.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 22)


YOUR forthright nature may entangle you in a delicate problem concerning a staff member and a customer. Be tactful in dealing with people. If you are a union official, a spate of transfer requests may baffle you in the second week. Those in Controlling Offices may be asked to visit nearby Branches to urgently compile certain returns. If born on 3rd, it may be lucky to wear a red shirt with a yellow collar on Sunday.

Furore in Funny Bank

Background: SBI became the first bank to kick off its Gold Deposit Scheme in 1999. Finance MInister Yashwant Sinha aimed to utilise the 10,000-odd tonnes of idle gold in the country in the hands of individuals, temples and institutions. Depositing idle gold with banks could earn the deposior interest or could serve him as collateral for a rupee loan.



Dolittle: Branch Manager of an urban branch; happy-go-lucky type; He really does very little; jazzily dressed; smokes a pipe; believes in management by deferment; rather henpecked.

Mrs. Rolling-Pin: Affluent wife of Dolittle; acutely conscious of her privileges; staunch supporter of women's lib; domineering; fond of pictures, pets and perfumes.

Slipshod: Accountant of the branch; curious character; has vague idea about banking; wanted to act in films but failed disastrously.

Miss Ambitious: An over-ambitious aspirant preparing to embark on a film career with exaggerated notions about herself.

Mr. Goldman: A loan applicant with an erratic disposition.

(Dolittle enters his chamber, whistling a non-descript tune; sits on his chair with legs resting on the table. Mr. Goldman barges in.)



Goldman: Excuse me. My neighbour told me your bank grants gold loans. In fact, I want to apply for one.
Dolittle: (Sits straight) Sure. You will have to submit an application. Have you brought the gold ornaments?
Goldman: In fact, I want the gold-loan to buy gold ornaments only.


"I wish to apply for a Gold Loan to buy gold!"


Dolittle: (Perplexed) Customers have gone crazy these days!
(to Goldman): The loan can be sanctioned only after you pledge your gold ornaments with the bank.
Goldman: (Indignant) These callous bank officers... they wouldn't help a needy person!
(to Dolittle): If I had the gold, where is the need for me to take a gold loan.
Dolittle: (Scratches his head) Look, gold loans are granted against pledge of gold ornaments and not for buying them.
Goldman: (Gets up to go.) This is nonsense. You should issue a clarification so that the public is not misguided.
Dolittle: Thanks for the suggestion.
(Exit Mr. Goldman. Miss Ambitious saunters in. A whiff of exotic perfume permeates the place.)
Miss. Ambitious: I have come to apply for a loan from your bank.
Dolittle: (Politely) Please sit down. May I know the purpose of the loan proposed by you?
Miss Ambitious: (Gesticulatingly) To embark on a film career - to become a film star.
Dolittle: Splendid. Yours seems to be a unique proposal - rather too radical for our bank. Permit me to consult my field officer. He once acted in films.
Miss Ambitious: (Disbelievingly) Interesting! What was the film and his role?
Dolittle: Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. Our worthy field officer acted as the fortieth thief. What a role!
(Slipshod enters.)
Slipshod: You sent for me, sir.
Dolittle: Yes. Miss Ambitious has come with a proposal for you.
Slipshod: (Blushes) But sir, I am already married, with four children.
Dolittle: Don't be silly. She has not come with a marriage proposal. Hers is a proposal of loan for becoming a film star.
Slipshod: I wonder. It may be classified under our Small Business Scheme. But who knows, she may soon be dabbling with crores. In that case, she will have to be classified under large scale.
Miss Ambitious: (Exasperated) Gentlemen, you are trying to put the cart before the horse. I suggest you first grant me the loan and then attempt to classify it.
Dolittle: Slipshod, what do you think of the project?
Slipshod: Sir, no doubt, it will be a major diversification in our advances portfolio (whispers in Dolittle's ear) but there is one snag, sir; she may grow too old to be a heroine by the time the proposal is processed and sanctioned.
Dolittle: Slipshod, you are too pessimistic. (Turning to Miss Ambitious) Madam, who will be your guarantors, if the loan is sanctioned?
Miss Ambitious: (Dramatically) My face and my figure are my two guarantors.
Dolittle: (She appears to be very conceited.) But what will be your stake in the venture, Miss Ambitious?
Miss Ambitious: My future will be at stake. Is that not enough?
Slipshod: (Intervening) He means what will be your contribution to the project?
Miss Ambitious: My contribution will be to the entire film industry. Just wait and see.
Slipshod: Sir, I am afraid she needs training in the basic principles of economics. We may propose to Head Office for sponsoring a special Enterpreneurial Development Programme at our training centre with the help of Film Institute for young females desirous of becoming film stars.

Dolittle: Good idea! This will increase our bank's popularity in the public as well as the film-world,
(Telephone rings. Dolittle picks up the receiver.)
Dolittle: (On phone) Yes sir, what – No loans to be sanctioned – credit sqeeze – resources constraints. Very well, sir (Keeps the receiver.) Miss Ambitious, I am terribly sorry, just received a call from Head Office. We have resources constraints – credit squeeze, you know, we can't entertain your proposal now.
Miss Ambitious: Oh, very disappointing! Everywhere I get the squeeze.(leaves)
(Mrs. Rolling Pin storms into Dolittle's chamber.)
Mrs. Rolling Pin: You are still buried in books and registers. Don't you remember we have to go to movies and only 10 minutes are left?
Dolittle: Be patient, lady. We have to balance the books.
Mrs. Rolling Pin: First try to balance your mind and books will be balanced of their own.
Dolittle: Are you talking of self-balancing ledgers?
Mrs. Rolling Pin: You always think in terms of banking. Your mind is too polluted with bank bunkum.
Dolittle: After all, the bank gives us bread and butter.
Mrs. Rolling Pin: Bread is okay, the butter is, of course, spent on your bosses. I fear you smear them with it.
Dolittle: That is why, this prize posting in the metropolis.
Mrs. Rolling Pin: Prize posting, my foot. Who bothers about you in this place? At least, in that small town, the cinema manager used to repeat the reel whenever we reached late.
Slipshod: And here, sir, the other day you went to buy tickets for Jurassic Park and came back with a tornshirt and a lost shoe.
(Telephone rings. Slipshod picks up the receiver and receives the message)
Slipshod: Sir, the General Manager is visiting this branch in 10 minutes. (Dolittle slaps his forehead and Mrs. Rolling Pin sinks in the chair).

A Devastating Day at Funny Bank

(Impatiently) "Are you people going to open my account? I am fed up."

CHARACTERS
Manager: Mr. Dolittle, a fatheaded fellow who has not quite digested the course of training which he had recently undergone.

Accountant: Mr. Pigsty

Sub-Accountant: Mr. Slipshod

Constituent: Mr. Mulayam Singh - an illiterate villager

Scene: Manager's Chamber: A big table with usual office articles arranged on it. Four chairs untidily placed in front. Mr. Dolittle enters the chamber jauntily smoking a cigar, perches on the chair, comfortably places his legs on the table, and starts reading 'Filmfare'. Messrs. Pigsty, Slipshod and Mulayam Singh enter the chamber helter-skelter, greatly upsetting Mr. Dolittle. He collects himself and tries to gain some poise.

Dolittle: What's the matter? I say what the...
Pigsty: (Stammers) Sir, this man... this man...
Dolittle: Yes, what about this man?
Pigsty: Sir, this is Mr. Mulayam Singh. He wants to open a Savings Bank Account.
Dolittle: (gleefully) So that means some deposits are going to be mobilised. Please; take your seat Mr. Mulayam Singh.
Slipshod: But there is a snag, Sir. Mr. Mulayam Singh is illiterate. We cannot open his account.
Dolittle: (taken aback) Cannot open his account! Are you in your senses! If I remember correctly, there is a recent Head Office circular on this.
Slipshod: I will check up, Sir. (Gets up to go).
Dolittle: (after a pause) This Slipshod is really futile. He is like an 'un-responded debit entry' in the 'Branch Clearing General Account’! (Laughs).
Pigsty: In my opinion Sir, he is a 'current liability'.
Dolittle: Exactly. That is why the 'Tangible net-worth' of the branch is not going up. (Looks towards the door.) He is taking his time
(To the constituent) Mr. Mulayam Singh, in the meantime, you may glance over this magazine. (Hands him the magazine).
Mulayam: (Perplexed). But I can't read.
Dolittle: Oh, I forgot. Anyway, you may see the pictures
(To Pigsty) I think we should subscribe to some pictorial magazines for our illiterate customers and place them on the counter.
Pigsty: (flatteringly). Splendid idea, Sir!
(Slipshod enters with a file. Pigsty grabs it and glances over it hurriedly).
Pigsty: According to this circular we can open the account but; (broodingly) there is a problem.
Dolittle: (Sits on the edge of the chair.) Problem! What is it? Let's 'identify the problem'.
Pigsty: Photograph, Sir, photograph!
Dolittle: What will we do with the photograph and whose photograph? Let us 'clarify the objectives' now. (Looks at chart entitled "Decision making", hanging behind him).
Pigsty: The objective here is to identify Mr. Mulayam Singh by a photograph.
Dolittle: Here you are mixing the issues. We have to identify the problem, and not Mr. Mulayam Singh. Mr. Pigsty, have you mortgaged your brain? This way you will soon become a 'protested bill', I am afraid.
Mulayam: (restively). Why don't you solve my problem for a change?
Dolittle: How can we solve your problem without solving ours? But your problem, in any case, is engaging our attention (pointing towards Filmfare). Have you seen all the pictures?
Slipshod: This damn photograph business!
Dolittle: Oh yes, the photograph. (To Mulayam Singh). Why don't you bring a copy of your photograph?
Mulayam: Photograph! Why do you want my photograph? Is this a marriage bureau?
Dolittle: (To Pigsty). How to convince him? Why don't you drive this point into his head, Mr. Pigsty?
Pigsty: How? With a sledgehammer?
Dolittle: (Again consults the 'Decision- making chart' hanging on the wall behind him). There are no 'alternative courses of action' in your case. I am sorry. A passport size photograph will be necessary for the purpose of identifying you later.
Mulayam: But there is no photographer in this small place:
Dolittle: (Excitedly). I say, it is a first class problem. Head Office should provide us with a camera. I will immediately write a special letter to Head Office for a camera and dark room. Do you know, Mr. Pigsty, I once worked as an apprentice for a photographer.
Pigsty: But sir, there is no accommodation for the dark room.
Slipshod: What is the need for a separate dark room? The whole branch is dark enough. (Dolittle stares at him).
Mulayam: (Impatiently) Are you people going to open my account? I am fed up.
Dolittle: Yes, what about his account?
Slipshod: (Triumphantly). There is one solution to this problem. Mr. Mulayam Singh should be asked to join adult classes. If he becomes literate, the whole problem of the photograph will be eliminated.
Pigsty: Why should not the Bank start these classes? This will increase our popularity in rural areas.
Dolittle: Yes, that's a grand idea. I will write to Head Office about it. Mr. Pigsty, you seem to be having 'conceptual skill' as well as 'quality of the head'.
Pigsty: Thank you sir.
Slipshod: What about me, Sir?
Dolittle: You! There seems to be a wide gap between your capacity and ability. Try to shrink that. May I ask you a question? Do you always rush in where angels fear to tread?
Slipshod: (happily). Of course, I always do, Sir.
Dolittle: I thought as much.
Mulayam: (angrily). You are just empty talkers. I have been waiting here for hours and my account is still not opened. Do you think I can spend my whole life in opening a Bank account? (Leaves the scene in great exasperation, grumbling and cursing).

-Mr. Mathur is Field Officer, Latouche Road branch, Kanpur Circle. )

Beg your pardon

Like millions of others, I am terribly impressed by the versatility of the English language. Very few languages can equip one to convey the maximum with the minimum of words.

Take for example, the phrase "beg your pardon". Though small in size, it can acquire varied nuances and shades of meaning. Generally when you want to say, "Sorry, I could not understand; will you please repeat what you said?” the use of the expression, 'Beg your pardon?' will be sufficient to convey what you mean. The clan of cultured creatures, as also some who are relatively fresh to the behavioural code, use the phrase frequently. To some it comes naturally, while others assiduously cultivate it in suitable tone and tenor. If you are not prone to say 'beg your pardon' at the slightest provocation, probably you do not belong to the cultured community, most of which is drawn from the public schools.

This phrase can be used with vehemence as a weapon of demolition when you want to tell your adversary "you are talking rubbish." Your face should wear the right expression and the phrase should be delivered with venom. The victim at the other end will be put on the defensive. One of my bosses was a past master in such authoritative expressions and always succeeded in making his point all the way.
Another superior of mine had developed an uncanny method of brushing aside unwanted pleas by continuing to sign some papers with frequent interjections of 'beg your pardon' while you strive to entangle him in the web of your yarn.
'Beg your pardon' can be pathetic. Anguish and consternation can be effectively ventilated through this phrase. If disenchanted or disillusioned by your tormentor you may render 'I beg your pardon, sir' in such a hurt and harassed voice, as to convey your sentiments to the hilt. But your countenance should also be that of a distressed person.

While saying 'beg your pardon', one can portray a romantic character too. Imagine the boss leaning towards his pretty secretary and whispering in a husky tone 'beg your pardon', pretending not to understand her sweet utterances. "Beg your pardon" can become a symphony in semantics. There is the case of that sweet little thing who intones 'I beg your pardon, sir', and a thousand bells jingle for you.
Beg your pardon, for I seem to be drifting from the main theme.

Indra Nooyi and the Middle Finger - Storm in a tea cup?

PepsiCo's global president and chief financial officer, Indra Nooyi, stirred up controversy on May 15 2005 when, during a speech to the graduating class of Columbia Business School, she used an analogy equating the United States to the middle finger. Many Americans viewed the comments as insulting and unpatriotic.

Click here to see the full text of her speech.

The very fact that a large number of Indians have preferred to adopt America as their country, and have gone ahead to take citizenship there, amply testifies to their undying love and patriotic fervour for America. Indra Nooyi, a hardcore Indian American, compared in all earnestness, USA with middle finger which is the strongest and the largest in the human hand in consonance with the superpower status of USA.

The hue and cry caused by the Bloggers against the lady, questioning her loyalty to America, seems to be rather unreasonable. In case such comments would have been made by an original American, the same would have gone without a whimper of protest. There should not be any discrimination among US citizens on the basis of caste, creed, color and country of origin. There is need for more tolerance, mutual respect and understanding at all levels and fragments of the American society. The Americans have to overcome the new-fangled environment of suspicion after 9/11 and take the world along with them in order to spontaneously maintain their leadership in the civil society.

Sharat's Wedding

I composed this poem on the occasion of Chicky’s wedding on 17th May 1989. Through this poem we may recall the wonderful events that happened in the wedding.

We wish Chicky and Gayatri a very long and happy married life!



15th May, 1989
Delhi
(afternoon)
------------
We fondly recall the joyous festivities
all the excitement and hectic activities.

It all began with fifteenth May eighty nine
when we happily assembled at Civil Lines.

Refreshing cold beer and gratifying gin
blithely imbibed by kith and kin.

Generous serving of scrumptious food
pleased the appetite and prompted the mood.

In the AC compartment of Rajdhani Express
songs were composed with a musical stress.

It was a jovial junket, a jolly jaunt
sitting back quiet was nobody’s want.


16th May 1989
Bombay
(morning)
------------
Applause of "Bhai very good bhai wah" ranted the air
when we reached Bombay to be in Desais' care.

An amiable reception it was indeed
with Bipin Bhai and Meenakshi Ben in the lead.

Exclusive attention and welcome to each one
right at the outset, our hearts were won.


Desais’ residence
(afternoon)
-----------------
We were greeted with gaiety and grace
In a cultured form at Desais’ place.

Showered with gifts and benign benefactions
our relations bloomed with mutual affection.
When Gayatri emerged in the cluster of celebrations
all eyes regarded her in rare fascination.




Malabar Hill
(evening)
-----------
At the sprawling terrace overlooking the seas
Mehndi mellowed in melodious breeze.

Lilting songs merging with musical sound
pegs of scotch were faithfully downed.

It was a blessed occasion indeed memorable
our pleasure promoted with dinner palatable.


17th May 1989
Marriage hall
(afternoon)
------------
The momentous day descended for all
while Barat emanated at the marriage hall.

Searching glances, curious looks, eager faces
charming and suave feminine graces.

Confabulations in corners, loud pretences
affable allusions, glimmer of acquaintances.

Exchange of pleasantries and salutations
far away gaze, occupied animation.

Gayatri was glorious in bridal attire
her elegant appearance all did admire.

Chanting of hymns, cheerful chatter around
Sharat and Gayatri took the Seven Rounds.

Chicky was impressive, smart and sagacious
both of them made a pair vivacious.

Regaling feast in authentic Gujrati fashion
everyone ingested in great admiration.


18th May 1989
Jaipur
(evening)
------------
With Bahu Pravesh the celebrations began
occasion was marked with foaming champagne.

The house sparkled with Gayatri's presence
Divine blessings showered in every sense.



19th May 1989
(forenoon)
----------
The moment of "Mooh Dikhai" came to the fore
and Gayatri was blessed with gifts galore.

Her rendition of bhajans held us in spell
her performance was rated as extremely well.


(evening)
--------
Mellifluous music and rapturous dances
rendering of songs in varied nuances.

Delicious chaat and savoury Kabobs
it was a day from the life of Nabobs.

Scotch was served in several rounds
smacking snacks were all abound.


20th May, 1989
(evening)
------------
Reception was truly a memorable affair
guests were attended with abundant care.

Rustling of fabrics and jingling of anklets
glitter of gold, necklaces and bracelets.

Fabulous tissues, chiffons and chanderies
saries and apparel tempting the fairies.

Elite of Jaipur converged to greet
the newly-wedded and were offered a treat.


Indu Jiji and Jijaji marked the happiest time
their Beta and Bahu bestowed with blessings sublime.

Their hospitality was splendid for all the guests
in a magnificent way, they ensured the best.

Krishna and Mini acted as prime-mover
their all-round performance was super-duper.

Everything was achieved in a superlative manner
events accomplished in an affluent tenor.

Dr C. V. Raman - India’s world famous scientist

Genius is the eye of intellect and the wing of thought. One such genius was Dr C V Raman who was much ahead of time in his generation, a pioneer in thought and action. He was one of the greatest scientists our country has produced. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1930 for his phenomenal discovery in Physics. It was named after him as ‘Raman Effect’ to immortalize his memory. Not only this, he received Matteucci Medal awarded by the Science Society of Rome in 1928, Hughes Medal in 1930 by the Royal society of London and a knighthood by the British Government in 1929. Many Indian and foreign universities bestowed honorary doctorates on Dr Raman in recognition of academic achievements of the highest order. Besides membership of several prestigious research institutes and societies all over the world, he received the International Lenin Peace Prize in 1957. He was conferred upon in 1954 our country’s greatest honour, the Bharat Ratna.


Born on the 7th November 1888, at Tiruchirapalli, Raman was brought up in an environment of science and literature, music and other fine arts. His father was a Physics teacher and the young Raman took to science like a fish to water. Needless to say that Raman was a brilliant student throughout his academic career and his accomplishments made the contemporary academicians sit up and take notice. His inquisitive nature enabled him to ponder over various aspects of the universe. His researches in optics and acoustics were carried out while he was a student in the Presidency College, Madras. He modified 'Melde’s theory on sound' also published a paper on ‘Diffraction of Light’ in 1906.When Raman was only 19, he became as member of the Indian Association of Cultivation of Science. As a scientific career in those days was not very rewarding in the monetary sense, Raman joined the Indian Finance Department in 1907 but carried on his first love by spending long hours in the Association’s laboratory. He became the secretary of the Association in 1919. He became professor of Physics at Calcutta University in 1917.


In addition to his teaching duties, Raman persisted with his research and experiments with great intensity. Raman derived great pleasure from teaching the avid students who would listen to his research-oriented lectures with fascination. His interactions with the students evoked new questions and stimulated attempts of their possible solutions. Scientists like Meghnad Saha conducted research under his guidance. Raman always exhorted his students to go in for individual research. He stimulated their reasoning faculties and encouraged them to use indigenous equipment, if imported apparatus was not available. He used to tell the students that the equipment that brought him the Nobel Prize did not cost more than Rs 300; what is required is the inner desire and inspiration to succeed which no amount of money can buy. He indeed acted as a friend, philosopher and guide to his students. One encouraging word from him was enough to inject a new life in the sagging spirits of his researchers. One of his students, experimenting with an X Ray tube of one kilowatt of power, was informed that an English researcher was experimenting on the same problem with a five kilowatt X Ray tube. When Raman came to know of his student’s predicament, he advised him to use a ten kilowatt brain on the problem, instead of worrying on his low power equipment! His magical words must have instilled in the student a new zest for his research.


Raman had a very agile and enquiring mind. Every one can see but very few can perceive. It is the acute perception of ordinary things that some time gives rise to rare discoveries and inventions by a genius like Raman. He studied how bowed string instruments like the violin and sitar could produce harmonious musical sound. His interest in acoustics led to the significant discovery in 1918 that Mridangam and Tabla, unlike other drums, possess harmonic overtones. On his visit to St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, in 1921, where even a small whisper produced at one point in the tower can be heard with clarity at a distance at another point. This effect produced by the reflection of sound aroused his scientific urge to probe into causes of this phenomenon. His research on sound came in for recognition all over the world. He contributed an article in 1928 on the theory of musical instruments to the 8th volume of the Handbuch der Physik, a German encyclopaedia of Physics.

Raman was captivated by any thing that was colourful. Butterflies, gems and flowers of various hues, impelled him to ask basic questions like why things look beautiful, bright and colourful. His investigations made an assessment of the effects produced by X Rays on infrared vibrations in crystals exposed to ordinary light; study of spectroscopic behaviour of crystals; study of structure and properties of diamonds and the optical behaviour of numerous iridescent substances like labradorite, pearly feldspar, agate, opal, and pearls. Dr Raman did research on a wide spectrum of topics like sound, light, rocks, gems, insects, butterflies, sea-shells, tees, flowers, etc. He also conducted investigations in other fields like atmosphere, weather, physiology of vision and audition. There appears to be hardly any topic that escaped his observation. His ambit of research was very large. He tackled all sorts of scientific problems, big or small. He often referred to himself as the general practitioner of science!

In 1928 came the moment of his reckoning. During a sea voyage to Europe in 1921, he observed with amazement brilliant blue colour of the Mediterranean Sea. He wondered at the blue colour of the glaciers and the sky. On his return to India, he started research on the diffusion of sun light in its passage through water, transparent blocks of ice and other materials. He examined the reasons of the blue colour of the sea. Was the blue colour due to reflection of the blue sky? A lot of thought and research went into securing a logical answer to this intriguing question. After prolonged experimentation and deliberations, Raman came out with his conclusion: the blue colour of the sea could be the result of scattering of sun light by water molecules. He submitted a research paper to the Royal Society of London as also an exhaustive article on the molecular scattering of light soon after He used monochromatic light from a mercury arc and the spectroscope to study the nature of diffused radiations emerging from the material under examination. His discovery was named as Raman Effect.






A Raman Spectrometer in the British Museum is used to identify the gemstones decorating a medieval reliquary.

He was awarded the Nobel Prize of Physics in 1930, which marked the pinnacle of his scientific achievements.


Showing his Nobel citation to Donald S. Connery, an American journalist, in Bangalore, circa 1960.


Dr Raman had an ardent desire to promote scientific research in the country. In 1933, he became the Director of Indian Institute of Science. He established the Indian Academy of Sciences in 1934. He founded a research institute in 1943 in a palatial building surrounded by gardens and trees, near Bangalore. It was named as the Raman Research Institute. He donated all his property to this institute. He used to say that a Hindu is supposed to go to the forest for Vanaprasth in old age but instead of going to the forest, he made the forest come to him. He continued his research work at the institute at the fag-end of his illustrious career.



In his study at the Raman Research Institute in Bangalore, circa 1949.


Even at ripe old age of 80 plus, he organized a week long conference of scientists in September 1970 when he spoke of new theories on hearing and ear-drum. This came to be his last lecture as he passed away on the 21st November 1970.


Sir C.V. Raman during a lecture at the Raman Research Institute in Bangalore, circa 1959.

An article published in the Hindu on Aug 03. 2004 talks of the Nobel Laureate’ house called Panchvati, at Malleswaram in Bangalore. The ‘Professor,’ as every body in the family refers to Dr Raman, was a voracious reader. His collection of books at Panchvati includes a large number of volumes on a variety of subjects. Panchvati has trees all around. He used to wonder about the vibrations that were produced by the chirping of birds he loved so much. His house is said to have 90 nests of rare birds. The Professor used to peer for hours at the butterflies in the garden. He ‘talked with such passion and devotion about all things concerning science and nature that it was a pleasure to listen to him.’ Sir Raman was a true Rishi for he saw the real world with his mind. There is some thing in the environment of Panchvati that inspires one to higher things. The Raman Trust is working on making it a museum with a laboratory and children activity center attached to it.

Dr Raman told his young audience in Ahmedabad on 22nd Dec. 1968, while delivering a detailed dissertation on why the sky is blue: “We have certain inherent powers given to us-observation and thinking-we must use them, the sharper they become, the more powerful they become and ultimately some thing will come out of it so that humanity is benefited, science is benefited.”

Thus, Raman was verily a versatile genius who reveled in unraveling the mysteries of nature. His life was full of events and achievements. He was indeed a Guru and a Rishi who not only accomplished marvelously in his scientific pursuits, but also encouraged the budding scientists to excel in their fields of studies.

Laws need changing to ease bank M and As

(Note: This article was originally published in Business Standard dated November 2000.)

It is necessary to take a fresh look at various provisions of the Regulation Act and other related laws in the wake of the radical changes in the economic environment of the country. Laws must be properly in place to facilitate mergers and acquisitions in the banking sector so that it can reorganise and survive.

What is the past record? About 75 banks have been merged under section 45 of the Act since 1960, out of which 16 banks were acquired by SBI and its associate banks. Recent examples are Bank of Cochin and Kashinath Seth Bank merged with SBI, Punjab Co-operative Bank and Bari Doab Bank with Oriental Bank of Commerce, Bareily
Corporation Bank with Bank of Baroda and Sikkim Bank with the Union Bank of India.

The decision to merge a weak bank with a strong bank under the Act has not so far been based on commercial considerations. It was imposed more or less as an administrative fiat, facing the acquiring bank with a Hobson's choice. Instead of such compulsory mergers, acquisition of ailing banks by large corporates should make good business sense. RBI had contemplated allowing top corporate houses to take over weak banks and infuse sufficient capital to revive and rehabilitate them. Before asking SBI to take over Kashi Nath Seth Bank in 1996, RBI made efforts to motivate private sector corporates to take over the bank. In fact, a business house had carried out a detailed due diligence exercise on the bank but the proposal did not eventually bear fruit.

The RBI governor recently held that while corporate houses may not be permitted to float private banks, they are welcome to invest in sick banks. This may be a beginning in the right direction, but would require rationalisation of laws and takeover norms, including tax incentives. Under section 72 of the Income Tax Act, exemptions are allowed on accumulated losses and unabsorbed depreciation of industrial concerns. The losses incurred by banks should also be brought within the purview of section 72. At the time of merger of Bank of Cochin and Lakshmi Commercial Bank with State Bank of India and Canara Bank respectively, the Indian Banks' Association had represented to the government to make income tax concessions on losses incurred due to bank mergers but the proposal was reportedly turned down by the Central Board of Direct Taxes.

The merged banks are generally overstaffed. One of the essential conditions in any scheme of amalgamation in India is continuation of the services of the employees of all categories after the merger without any break in service, irrespective of their suitability or eligibility. In the context of merger of Hindustan Commercial Bank with Punjab National Bank, the Supreme Court has held, in the Shepherd case, that no employee can be dismissed ab initio under any scheme of amalgamation or otherwise without opportunity of being heard as the same is against the principles of natural justice and equity.

The cost of surplus staff and unremunerative branches of the merged bank make a severe dent in the profitability of the amalgamated bank. As per existing policy, closure of rural branches is almost impossible. The merger causes parking of superfluous staff at various centers where branches of both the banks may be working. A conscious policy should be formulated to facilitate merger of branches and redeployment of staff at centres where deficiency of staff may be felt

Due to consolidation of operations of two banks, mergers invariably result in making a large number of employees superfluous. While services of all the employees are required to be continued in the acquiring bank as per existing laws, it may be advisable to distribute the additional staff acquired on account of the merger to other banks through the Banking Services Recruitment Board or any other agency.

The Narasimhan Committee has recommended evolvement of policies aimed at 'right-sizing' and redeployment of surplus staff either by way of retraining them and giving them alternative employment or by introducing compensation package/VRS with appropriate incentives. Dr I. G. Patel has stated in his book Economic Reforms and Global Change that "the actual substantive or real restructuring by way of merger or closing of branches or reduction in staff that should go with the initial financial rescue, must also be set in motion without delay".

Indian laws do not cast upon promoters of banks specific duties and responsibilities to fulfill their role, which is largely to look after corporate governance and augment shareholders' wealth. In case full time directors fail to perform the role assigned to them, hardly any punitive measures can be taken except their removal from the board and imposition of penalties for non-compliance with certain provisions of the law. To set this right, deterrent provisions need to be included not only in the Companies Act but also in the Banking Regulation Act Shareholders can apply to the court for winding up/liquidation of a company. But these measures are usually taken at a very late stage when the affairs are sufficiently rotten and out of hand.

With the dilution of government/RBI shareholding, banks are becoming increasingly accountable to shareholders. With the advent of FIls and the new breed of investment analysts, banks' balance sheets are under constant surveillance; any adverse features in. the operations of a bank are highlighted quickly. This not only adversely affects bank share prices but also the rating and reputation of banks.

The existing laws should specifically include a clause whereby any proposal of merger or acquisition should be passed as a special resolution in a general body meeting of the bank. And most importantly merger should not be imposed on banks without detailed viability studies and consent of the acquiring banking company.

(The author is with State Bank of India. These are his personal views.)

Luscious Litchi

(Note: This article was originally published in the Sunday Free Press dated September 2000.)




Litchi - that luscious fruit with strawberry red spiny skin which encloses a pure white, translucent, juicy and pulpy layer around an oblong shining brown seed. Lamentably, the seed occupies too much of space and one would wish that the sweet and sour, aromatic pulp could have been a little more in bulk. But these are the ways of nature; it is bountiful though miserly in some of its products -for example, one would wish the eatable portion in custard apple (sharifa) could have been a wee bit larger. These are fanciful thoughts; if wishes were horses beggars might ride!

Litchi, also spelt as Litchi, Lichee or Leechee is a native of Canton in southern China. It has been a favourite fruit of the Cantonese since ancient times. Litchi was introduced to the western world I in 1775 when its seeds were sown in Jamaica. They say the first litchi fruit ripened in USA in Florida in 1916 where it has acquired commercial importance. The tree is cultivated around the Mediterranean, South Africa, Hawaii and some parts of our own country.

Litchi is a good-looking tree, it develops a compact crown of bright green foliage all the year round. At the time of fruition in the summer season, the tree acquires a brownish red hue due to the abundance of clusters of ripening litchi fruit.

Due to its climatic and cropping requisites, litchi can be grown in a few areas only. Litchi is an intimately associated with Dehra Dun and to a degree with Muzaffarpur in Bihar.


Litchi baghs in Muzaffarpur

Litchi is found in other areas in India like Shillong where it is grown in expansive pineapple gardens. Due to its perishable nature and rather short duration of cropping, say 2 months, around May/June, it is not very profitable to grow this fruit on a wider scale.



The Doon Valley


In the sprawling bungalows of Doon Valley, one or two litchi trees are a common sight. A bungalow without a litchi tree is rare in Doon, particularly in Dalanwala area, along with mango, guava and the ubiquitous papaya and banana. Before the onset of litchi season, custody of the trees is given to contractors who arrange to pluck the fruit when it ripens, for being sent to the markets packed in wooden boxes. Contrary to popular belief, litchi is sold dear in Doon as most of it is exported to richer markets in Delhi, Mumbai and elsewhere. In places like Mumbai, litchi is very expensive; one fruit of litchi may cost you one rupee and a bunch may burn a hole in your pocket.

When we came to reside in Dehra Dun in the late nineteen forties, litchi trees were found in abundance in the abounding green glamour of the valley. With the unscrupulous spree for urbanisation, trees were cut down to create spaces for the new inhabitants of the valley. One such place was Khazanchi Bag on the road leading to the Forest Research Institute.



Forest Research Institute at Dehradun


Almost three decades ago, the Bagh gave place to numerous housing societies and residential colonies inhabited mostly by the employees of ONGC. Some houses existing in the erstwhile Khazanchi Bagh still have the boon of at least one litchi tree that bestows its bounties on the resident in the litchi season. Doon litchi trees are generally tall but some are so short that one can pluck the fruit standing on the ground. Some exceptional litchis, having very small seed surrounded by thick layer of pulp, are a real catch.

In Calcutta, one can see green litchi fruit being sold in New Market. Surprisingly, it is not raw and sour but as sweet and juicy as the red fruit of Doon and elsewhere.

The fruit is best eaten fresh; it is canned in the form of pulp or juice, which is very popular through not available in the market in abundance.

I would share with you the recipe for a heavenly cocktail with the heady combination of litchi juice and Vodka.

Mix 30 ml of Vodka with 60 ml of litchi juice, canned or fresh, in a tall glass. Lace it with 1 spoonful of full fresh cream; add some crushed ice. Shake gently and sip comfortably in any easy chair watching the raindrops washing the green leaves in your garden in the afternoon.

Puja-Ashish first anniversary

We celebrated the first marriage anniversary of my daughter, Puja, with dear Ashish, on May 1 this year by performing a SatyaNarayan Katha and Hawan at our house.

Ashu's Fehrisht

taiji Anjna karti karya anek
meethe svabhaav ki, hain reham dil aur nek.
bahut si kalaaon ki hain vah jaankaar
hain sab ki priya aur madadgaar.





A close-up of the completed fehrisht mounted on thermocol.


Page 1 - dohas invoking the blessings of God and Guruji, and about Naniji also.


Page 2 - dohas about Ambrish, Manju, Surabhi and Anish.


Page 3 - dohas about Ashu, Advika, Dada and Bhabhiji.


Page 4 - dohas about myself, Anjna, Kusumji and Neelam.


Page 5 - dohas about Jyotiji, Sanjay and Preeti.


Page 6 - Short introduction to the entire family.


A thermocol box is created to cover the fehrisht.



Close-up of the design on the box cover.