Dolittle: Branch Manager of an urban branch; happy-go-lucky type; He really does very little; jazzily dressed; smokes a pipe; believes in management by deferment; rather henpecked.
Mrs. Rolling-Pin: Affluent wife of Dolittle; acutely conscious of her privileges; staunch supporter of women's lib; domineering; fond of pictures, pets and perfumes.
Slipshod: Accountant of the branch; curious character; has vague idea about banking; wanted to act in films but failed disastrously.
Miss Ambitious: An over-ambitious aspirant preparing to embark on a film career with exaggerated notions about herself.
Mr. Goldman: A loan applicant with an erratic disposition.
(Dolittle enters his chamber, whistling a non-descript tune; sits on his chair with legs resting on the table. Mr. Goldman barges in.)
Goldman: Excuse me. My neighbour told me your bank grants gold loans. In fact, I want to apply for one.
Dolittle: (Sits straight) Sure. You will have to submit an application. Have you brought the gold ornaments?
Goldman: In fact, I want the gold-loan to buy gold ornaments only.
"I wish to apply for a Gold Loan to buy gold!"
Dolittle: (Perplexed) Customers have gone crazy these days!
(to Goldman): The loan can be sanctioned only after you pledge your gold ornaments with the bank.
Goldman: (Indignant) These callous bank officers... they wouldn't help a needy person!
(to Dolittle): If I had the gold, where is the need for me to take a gold loan.
Dolittle: (Scratches his head) Look, gold loans are granted against pledge of gold ornaments and not for buying them.
Goldman: (Gets up to go.) This is nonsense. You should issue a clarification so that the public is not misguided.
Dolittle: Thanks for the suggestion.
(Exit Mr. Goldman. Miss Ambitious saunters in. A whiff of exotic perfume permeates the place.)
Miss. Ambitious: I have come to apply for a loan from your bank.
Dolittle: (Politely) Please sit down. May I know the purpose of the loan proposed by you?
Miss Ambitious: (Gesticulatingly) To embark on a film career - to become a film star.
Dolittle: Splendid. Yours seems to be a unique proposal - rather too radical for our bank. Permit me to consult my field officer. He once acted in films.
Miss Ambitious: (Disbelievingly) Interesting! What was the film and his role?
Dolittle: Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. Our worthy field officer acted as the fortieth thief. What a role!
(Slipshod enters.)
Slipshod: You sent for me, sir.
Dolittle: Yes. Miss Ambitious has come with a proposal for you.
Slipshod: (Blushes) But sir, I am already married, with four children.
Dolittle: Don't be silly. She has not come with a marriage proposal. Hers is a proposal of loan for becoming a film star.
Slipshod: I wonder. It may be classified under our Small Business Scheme. But who knows, she may soon be dabbling with crores. In that case, she will have to be classified under large scale.
Miss Ambitious: (Exasperated) Gentlemen, you are trying to put the cart before the horse. I suggest you first grant me the loan and then attempt to classify it.
Dolittle: Slipshod, what do you think of the project?
Slipshod: Sir, no doubt, it will be a major diversification in our advances portfolio (whispers in Dolittle's ear) but there is one snag, sir; she may grow too old to be a heroine by the time the proposal is processed and sanctioned.
Dolittle: Slipshod, you are too pessimistic. (Turning to Miss Ambitious) Madam, who will be your guarantors, if the loan is sanctioned?
Miss Ambitious: (Dramatically) My face and my figure are my two guarantors.
Dolittle: (She appears to be very conceited.) But what will be your stake in the venture, Miss Ambitious?
Miss Ambitious: My future will be at stake. Is that not enough?
Slipshod: (Intervening) He means what will be your contribution to the project?
Miss Ambitious: My contribution will be to the entire film industry. Just wait and see.
Slipshod: Sir, I am afraid she needs training in the basic principles of economics. We may propose to Head Office for sponsoring a special Enterpreneurial Development Programme at our training centre with the help of Film Institute for young females desirous of becoming film stars.
Dolittle: Good idea! This will increase our bank's popularity in the public as well as the film-world,
(Telephone rings. Dolittle picks up the receiver.)
Dolittle: (On phone) Yes sir, what – No loans to be sanctioned – credit sqeeze – resources constraints. Very well, sir (Keeps the receiver.) Miss Ambitious, I am terribly sorry, just received a call from Head Office. We have resources constraints – credit squeeze, you know, we can't entertain your proposal now.
Miss Ambitious: Oh, very disappointing! Everywhere I get the squeeze.(leaves)
(Mrs. Rolling Pin storms into Dolittle's chamber.)
Mrs. Rolling Pin: You are still buried in books and registers. Don't you remember we have to go to movies and only 10 minutes are left?
Dolittle: Be patient, lady. We have to balance the books.
Mrs. Rolling Pin: First try to balance your mind and books will be balanced of their own.
Dolittle: Are you talking of self-balancing ledgers?
Mrs. Rolling Pin: You always think in terms of banking. Your mind is too polluted with bank bunkum.
Dolittle: After all, the bank gives us bread and butter.
Mrs. Rolling Pin: Bread is okay, the butter is, of course, spent on your bosses. I fear you smear them with it.
Dolittle: That is why, this prize posting in the metropolis.
Mrs. Rolling Pin: Prize posting, my foot. Who bothers about you in this place? At least, in that small town, the cinema manager used to repeat the reel whenever we reached late.
Slipshod: And here, sir, the other day you went to buy tickets for Jurassic Park and came back with a tornshirt and a lost shoe.
(Telephone rings. Slipshod picks up the receiver and receives the message)
Slipshod: Sir, the General Manager is visiting this branch in 10 minutes. (Dolittle slaps his forehead and Mrs. Rolling Pin sinks in the chair).
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