(Impatiently) "Are you people going to open my account? I am fed up."
CHARACTERS
Manager: Mr. Dolittle, a fatheaded fellow who has not quite digested the course of training which he had recently undergone.
Accountant: Mr. Pigsty
Sub-Accountant: Mr. Slipshod
Constituent: Mr. Mulayam Singh - an illiterate villager
Scene: Manager's Chamber: A big table with usual office articles arranged on it. Four chairs untidily placed in front. Mr. Dolittle enters the chamber jauntily smoking a cigar, perches on the chair, comfortably places his legs on the table, and starts reading 'Filmfare'. Messrs. Pigsty, Slipshod and Mulayam Singh enter the chamber helter-skelter, greatly upsetting Mr. Dolittle. He collects himself and tries to gain some poise.
Dolittle: What's the matter? I say what the...
Pigsty: (Stammers) Sir, this man... this man...
Dolittle: Yes, what about this man?
Pigsty: Sir, this is Mr. Mulayam Singh. He wants to open a Savings Bank Account.
Dolittle: (gleefully) So that means some deposits are going to be mobilised. Please; take your seat Mr. Mulayam Singh.
Slipshod: But there is a snag, Sir. Mr. Mulayam Singh is illiterate. We cannot open his account.
Dolittle: (taken aback) Cannot open his account! Are you in your senses! If I remember correctly, there is a recent Head Office circular on this.
Slipshod: I will check up, Sir. (Gets up to go).
Dolittle: (after a pause) This Slipshod is really futile. He is like an 'un-responded debit entry' in the 'Branch Clearing General Account’! (Laughs).
Pigsty: In my opinion Sir, he is a 'current liability'.
Dolittle: Exactly. That is why the 'Tangible net-worth' of the branch is not going up. (Looks towards the door.) He is taking his time
(To the constituent) Mr. Mulayam Singh, in the meantime, you may glance over this magazine. (Hands him the magazine).
Mulayam: (Perplexed). But I can't read.
Dolittle: Oh, I forgot. Anyway, you may see the pictures
(To Pigsty) I think we should subscribe to some pictorial magazines for our illiterate customers and place them on the counter.
Pigsty: (flatteringly). Splendid idea, Sir!
(Slipshod enters with a file. Pigsty grabs it and glances over it hurriedly).
Pigsty: According to this circular we can open the account but; (broodingly) there is a problem.
Dolittle: (Sits on the edge of the chair.) Problem! What is it? Let's 'identify the problem'.
Pigsty: Photograph, Sir, photograph!
Dolittle: What will we do with the photograph and whose photograph? Let us 'clarify the objectives' now. (Looks at chart entitled "Decision making", hanging behind him).
Pigsty: The objective here is to identify Mr. Mulayam Singh by a photograph.
Dolittle: Here you are mixing the issues. We have to identify the problem, and not Mr. Mulayam Singh. Mr. Pigsty, have you mortgaged your brain? This way you will soon become a 'protested bill', I am afraid.
Mulayam: (restively). Why don't you solve my problem for a change?
Dolittle: How can we solve your problem without solving ours? But your problem, in any case, is engaging our attention (pointing towards Filmfare). Have you seen all the pictures?
Slipshod: This damn photograph business!
Dolittle: Oh yes, the photograph. (To Mulayam Singh). Why don't you bring a copy of your photograph?
Mulayam: Photograph! Why do you want my photograph? Is this a marriage bureau?
Dolittle: (To Pigsty). How to convince him? Why don't you drive this point into his head, Mr. Pigsty?
Pigsty: How? With a sledgehammer?
Dolittle: (Again consults the 'Decision- making chart' hanging on the wall behind him). There are no 'alternative courses of action' in your case. I am sorry. A passport size photograph will be necessary for the purpose of identifying you later.
Mulayam: But there is no photographer in this small place:
Dolittle: (Excitedly). I say, it is a first class problem. Head Office should provide us with a camera. I will immediately write a special letter to Head Office for a camera and dark room. Do you know, Mr. Pigsty, I once worked as an apprentice for a photographer.
Pigsty: But sir, there is no accommodation for the dark room.
Slipshod: What is the need for a separate dark room? The whole branch is dark enough. (Dolittle stares at him).
Mulayam: (Impatiently) Are you people going to open my account? I am fed up.
Dolittle: Yes, what about his account?
Slipshod: (Triumphantly). There is one solution to this problem. Mr. Mulayam Singh should be asked to join adult classes. If he becomes literate, the whole problem of the photograph will be eliminated.
Pigsty: Why should not the Bank start these classes? This will increase our popularity in rural areas.
Dolittle: Yes, that's a grand idea. I will write to Head Office about it. Mr. Pigsty, you seem to be having 'conceptual skill' as well as 'quality of the head'.
Pigsty: Thank you sir.
Slipshod: What about me, Sir?
Dolittle: You! There seems to be a wide gap between your capacity and ability. Try to shrink that. May I ask you a question? Do you always rush in where angels fear to tread?
Slipshod: (happily). Of course, I always do, Sir.
Dolittle: I thought as much.
Mulayam: (angrily). You are just empty talkers. I have been waiting here for hours and my account is still not opened. Do you think I can spend my whole life in opening a Bank account? (Leaves the scene in great exasperation, grumbling and cursing).
-Mr. Mathur is Field Officer, Latouche Road branch, Kanpur Circle. )
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